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<p>« Tonight at the Apple Store | Main| Dear Tommy Tallarico, » Wednesday May 11 2005  Lewis Black Drive-by Shooting - Conclusion</p>
<p>Wednesday, May 11, 2005 at 8:33AM Read Part 1 here</p>

<p>At the book signing, I found myself pitted between two animals who together had been to 19 different book signings over the last 2 months. The funny thing about it was that they hadn't even read over 80% of what they purchased, they just wanted the autograph.</p>

<p>On my left was Gina-Michele. She is 34, a Scorpio, loves Lewis Black, is dating someone 10 years younger who is in pharmaceuticals, is looking for work, never wants children and draws on her eyebrows (a little too high, I might add). Ellie on my right, like Golden Girls' Blanche Devereaux, has locked in her age at 39--clearly she is at least an eon or two older; her daughter loves Lewis Black, she is divorced and is subletting a room from a 52 year-old man who compulsively puts aloe on his face and talks trash on Oprah (something Ellie doesn't appreciate too much).</p>

<p>The last fifteen minutes before Lewis came out was a haze of over-excitement and obsessive re-application of makeup. Cameras were being whipped out of purses. Then, he entered the room. Both the women grabbed my legs in excitement.</p>

<p>Lewis Black was awesome. He didn't actually read from the book, just discussed his career. The man's not as angry as he seems on TV, but I think anyone that is a good judge of character can see that anyway (he even choked up a bit when talking about Mitch Hedberg).</p>

<p>After Mr. Black was done talking, he sat down at the table three feet away from me and the line formed. While waiting my turn, I texted Kevin via my cell, typing "I'm finally bumping into Lewis Black." As I pressed "send", I realized if this weren't true, Kevin wouldn't look like the idiot-- I would. Thus, I became nervous. I didn't want to look like I escaped some mental ward in front of Lewis Black! But I had to ask that question.</p>

<p>"Mr. Black, this may sound ridiculous, but were you ever in a drive-by in Kansas City?"</p>

<p>"Oh yes," he said.</p>

<p>He then proceeded to go into the details of how he was wasted in the back of the club and saw all of this strange commotion going on.</p>

<p>"So you had to hit the floor?"</p>

<p>"Yeah!"</p>

<p>I explained how I was trying to settle a bet. Then we shook hands.</p>

<p>Kevin was telling the goddamn truth. I owe him a drink or five.</p>

<p>Libby is a New York-based writer who can be seen imbibing delight through constant absurdity.</p>

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